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| John Carpenter's Vampires,
Region 1 DVD |
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| DVD,
Justin Harries,
20 January 1999 |
Rating: F3
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It seems like an age since this was first released. Originally entitled ‘ John Carpenters Vampires’ this was to be the exploitation masters bloodsucking take on the Western. It sounded hot to trot – Vatican employed slayers on a hunt for a master Vampire – some of my friends had high hopes for this. However, a few years down the line it appears in this country sans hype and, of course, on video.
I, having watched the whole of the Carpenters recent ovrea, knew better than to get my hopes up. The man went way beyond caring years ago. His school report would read thus ‘ John shows considerable intelligence and ability – yet where do we see this in his work?’ or ‘John is too easily distracted – could do much better’. Excusing the fact that he appears to be continually on the verge of death (he is a little too long in the tooth for all this), it seems a crying shame that the maker of such greats as ‘Assault
’ and (especially) ‘The Thing’ ends up making this sort of baloney.
Not that ‘Vampires’ is a total bust – a couple of scenes have the power to stick in the mind
. for around five minutes.
Following the massacre of his less than savoury crew of slayerretes, Vamp duster numero uneo James Woods swears revenge on the King bloodsucker responsible, the Byronesque Valek. Add a magufine disguised as a Black cross (an artefact that will allow Valek to walk in sunlight) and that’s about it. What we have in the interim is the priest abusing, homophobic ranting Woods dealing with a back-story you’ll find as boring as he obviously does. Add to this a cheap Baldwin clone (Daniel
I think) alternately slapping around/ falling in love with a vamperised prostitute (an underused Sheryl Lee) and we have a curiously dated macho movie. This is certainly not Near Dark, and infact, unlike many other movies dealing with the undead, does not even attempt to add a sociological metaphor to the proceedings, - just slaying and sucking. These vamps could have something going for them, if they were not woefully let down by their master, Valek, a vamp more Stephen Fry than Marquis DeSade. Not even those looking for real cheap thrills will be rewarded, as Vampires is an entirely serviceable movie, albeit, one rather lacking in bite. Anaemic.
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