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| Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace,
Pal VHS |
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| DVD,
Justin Harries,
20 January 1999 |
Rating: F2
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There is no denying that Star Wars is a defining cinematic event and, more importantly, an all round great movie. OK, people whinged about the script, the shallowness of the characters, and the general comic book approach, but what they could not deny was the freshness and the sheer verve of the enterprise. Rolling on to the sequel, where Lucas attempted to temper the more childish nature of the first with a dark rite of passage for the central character. Not such a great idea, for the movie retained the notoriously embarrassing dialogue of the first. However, with its back to front structure and willingness to move the goalposts, Empire is still one of the good guys. Next up Jedi, which people seem to have less of a good thing to say about. Fair to say that that it’s a rather tired rehash of the preceding films, with the more noxious elements amplified (you all know what I’m talking about), but it’s still one hell of a ride of a ‘one hell of a ride’ movie. Which takes us, albeit with a 17-year gap to the latest (or should that be the original) instalment, the unbelievably titled, The Phantom Menace.
And what did we get after this interminably long wait. A bad film. A boring AND bad film. In fact, Star Crash had more balls than this flaccid misfire. What was charming and important in the first movie has diminished throughout successive incarnations to the point of absolute entropy reached here. There is nothing that speaks about life or any sort of emotional resonance to be found in this cooling cadaver of celluloid. What truly amazes me about this film is, for all its opulence and finesse, how truly wonder-less it all is. There is no point in art directing something to an inch of its life if the response of the actors throughout is that of barely disguised distain (just try telling Tim Burton this). This is where Lucas seriously drops his balls. Directors employ actors to act, not to simply re-enact poorly conceived cut sequences from a Play station game. From the evidence of this pictured, in addition to children and animals, an actor’s worst fear will be working with CGI environments and characters (especially when directed by someone who is obviously untrusting of the human touch). The chinless wonder has created a future (OK Mr pedantic, past) even more stripped of humanity than the distopia envisioned in his first feature THX 311. The fans cling to their one defence; ‘it’s for kids’. Well I don’t know one minor who has brought into this exciting tale of trade disputes and political machinations. Sorry fans, but you’ve been hoodwinked by your all-encompassing faith.
Let’s get one thing straight, I LOVED Star Wars with all my heart, but that is not a good enough reason to give this pile of dog shit any sort of excuse.
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