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| Far and loathing in Isleworth,
Jeff Mantis’s Playstation2 night of shame. |
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| Games,
Geoff Mantis,
20 January 1999 |
Rating: F5
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You’re privileged to read the future now folks, and I, Mantis am the gleaming chrome messenger. Many years ago I was the first to bring tales of innovation in the console world when I received top secret SNES directly from a Nintendo board member who I was banging at the time. And now I bring tales of Playstationing 2, a machine that’d cost one of you norms a grand I reckon, but I got brought round in a taxi for free. That’s the Mantis name in operation for you.
Armed with a bagfull of games imported directly from Japan, a wrap of games industry standard Columbian and a bottle of the hard shit I hit the black box. First thing off, you’ve gotta chuck that dumb blue stand in the bin, this bull about the machine standing like some Monolith is strictly for the losers in black rollnecks.
First CD in, the infamous Tekken Tag – the royal standard PS beat-em-up. Mantis in dilated pupil shock !, the intro sequence to this baby is afracking AWESOME !, I mean it’s so REAL, the cars, the bullets, the buildings, it’s so REAL. Then you play the game and it’s just like the old Tekken but a bit nicer. The big shiny innovation here is toggling between your Tag team when going up against da baddies. This is fun, and Mantis, who’s often caught going at it with two beautiful babes, got particular jollies from having both Anna and Nina at his disposal.
Three tall scotches in and the second CD slides out of its box. It’s StreetFigher and it’s in glorious 128. Well it looks lovely and there’s some stunning pyrotechnics. But Mantis is an old-fashioned boy, and the Magic Capcom franchise really feels better in the zappy anime 2D stylings, the characters have so much more charm that way. So no awards here. Right, we’re into the third game now, and it’s time to burn rubber. The game is old fave ‘RidgeRacer’, and oh boy has it been souped up for the new millenium. Even before you hit the streets there’s loads of stuff to pick and choose from in the shop – more cars to pick from than ever before, and some meaty engines to pack beneath the bonnet. Now, Mantis has taken some of the sporty numbers in this game on the track for real, and it’s credit to the game that in the ‘virtual’ driving seat the experience is much the same. Especially a few scotches down, when the road really starts to rumble. Great.
Last game of the evening and the ol’ Mantis eyes are blurring over with the poisons taking over the body systems. But a rumble from the opening seq of ‘Dead or Alive’ and my attention snaps back into life. This is real bubble gum beat-em-up territory, the controls are so simple it’s like the game plays itself. And (for the umpteenth time tonight) it looks GREAT. Battle arenas are fantastic, and just when you think you’ve pounded your way around the whole place, then suddenly you’ll get punched through a window or over a cliff and the camera swoops down and the fight continues. While not quite capturing the atmosphere of Tekken-Tag, this cute number really kicks ass, and you will not believe the boobs on the girls. Finally they’ve created a game you can really jerk off to!
The sun rises and penetrates my London penthouse flat window, forcing a wince from the ashen faced Mantis. I’ve been on a journey through the latest gaming technology can throw at me, and I’m knackered. My conclusion? It’s a beautiful beast of a machine, and the games are some of the best looking to hit the home. But really that much better than Dreamcast? Hmmm – the jury is out until some more games slip through customs. Digital Peace, the Mantis has spoken.
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