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| Sick- Clicking: The happy world of shocknet cinema,
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| Media,
Jerry Carpenter,
20 January 1999 |
Rating: F5
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Don’t you just love that feeling when you’ve sat down with your first coffee of the day, opened your mailbox and amongst your boring work-related stuff is a personal e-mail from a friend, with a funny file attached. Double click, and seconds later you’re wiping the coffee you’ve spat out in shock off your keyboard after being subjected to a scene that would turn Alistair Crowley’s face white – if you’re lucky it’ll have sound too! So go on... send it to some other poor bugger.
Assuming a moral guardian’s standpoint, and in order of ascending brain-stem trauma here’s a quick round up of digital colon disrupters.
The rear ejection seat
Good humoured body humour featuring the same fresh faced graduate types who gave us the ‘piss beer’ movie. The opening hot dog expulsion scene still baffles ILM technicians even now – I mean how can you fit anything with such a pastey consistency into such a tight space.
Car bites man
Looking like an ultra violent My bloody Valentine video, this washed out piece of ghoulery sees an crowd of enthusiastic rally fans pounded by a rolling 80 mph fist of iron and steel.
A monkey drinks it’s piss
Imagining millions of white collar workers crowded around monitors watching this self-explanatory piece of genius and you’ll know these are the last days. Just love the way he goes back for a second shot !
Eyeball
A lady pops it out for the world to see. Yum.
Anthea Turner ‘explodes’
A dark shroud of mystery lies over this, some believing this scene of the early hamster-haired TV goddess is as tampered with as the moon landing footage, while others say it must be the real deal because Anthea brought a lawsuit against the makers of the program. Either way it’s extremely fucking funny.
An elephant eats another elephant’s shite
Whereas most sequels are disappointing carbon copies, this one ups the ante. I mean, I know they’re animals, but eating at an ass-steraunt ?, even Richie Attenborough would scratch his head.
Nail into balls
For a split second this looks like it’s done with plastacine, but when the truth settles in and you feel there’s a fist tightening round your colon, you know it’s real. I don’t think anyone takes a second look at his.
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