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| Movies,
Jerry Carpenter,
20 January 1999 |
Rating: F2
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Ho-ho, this is hardly a moving target. A cumbersome sci-fi action pic based on a dodgy sci-fi novel by a ranting religious nutbag. Starring John Travolta, himself an acolyte of said religious nutbag. It comes to these shores in the first wave of summer blockbusters, but has already been stomped by pretty much everything else on release, except ‘Maybe Baby’ perhaps. Is it really ‘the worst film ever made’ as the Evening Standard put it? Well, follow my fingerÂ….
Set a thousand years from now, when giant Rastafarian aliens called Cyclos (!!) have conquered the planet (off-screen) and enslaved the human race, the story follows a bunch of human caveguys who’ve had the luck never to bump into the Rastas but have run out of stuff to do in the cave. So they go out and, whoopsie, get caught by evil Cyclo boss Travolta. One of the caveguys called Johnnie is pretty smart so Travolta decides to make him even smarter using his brain machine, so he can lead other humans in a mining operation for gold. Because the aliens like gold. But Johnnie’s having none of this and he rebels, and there’s fightin’ in the offing.
It sounds a bit silly, and it is – it’s ‘Planet of the Apes’ and a pinch of ‘Dune’ without the A’levels. There’s obviously a lot of effort gone into it, some great sets, a few visually spectacular effects set-pieces, and er, some interesting costumes. But it’s a lot of sweat with nowhere to go. No surprises. No interesting characters. Nothing to write home about.
Anyone who attempted the original novel will be sadden that they left out the hero’s super-intelligent talking horse, and I really wanted to see the Aliens actually taking over, not just having it discussed. Worst of all, it’s a real shame none of the manic philosophy of Scientology really made it into the film. I was looking forward to some nutty summing up of events at the film’s conclusion, where the heroes had successfully removed their Engrams using the power of Dianetics and vaped the Badguys. Sorry L Ron.
UK rating:
12
US rating:
PG
Roger Christian 2000 USA
John Travolta, Kim Coates, Barry Pepper, Sabine Karsenti, Forest Whitaker.
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