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| TV,
Jerry Carpenter,
20 January 1999 |
Rating: F4
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I don’t like soap operas. Soap operas exploit human suffering and make it addictive. Apart from that, they have absolutely nothing going for them. I had a brief flirtation with Neighbours eight years that left me emotionally crippled, and now I only tune in to prime myself for conversation fodder before a haircut.
So it seems it’s time to shear the sheep again, and this time I decided to take a lungfull of soap svengali Phil Redmond’s lighter alternative to Brookie, Hollyoaks. Times have changed for this bubble eyed lot, from the jolly shenanigans of the first episodes when stories revolved around discos and stolen fibre glass cows, to the drug addiction and child abuse of more recent times - obviously some full-on madness has slipped into the storylines. Resident hunk Kurt (‘the best seat on the bus’) is six foot under, killed by a method acting ginger nutjob. Said nutjob decked out in a captain’s uniform has kidnapped ex-addict Lucy (or Sarah or something) and holed up in a giant computer simulation of an ocean liner. Three friends, including the ‘funny’ guy from the ailing video shop have set out to rescue her, but recklessly tumble into a giant computer controlled water tank. That’s where they spend 2 hours of screen time, getting all emotional while the mad captain drops lines over the PA even the lamest Bond villain would balk at.
Meanwhile the rest of Chester’s inhabitants are going about the same crap they always have, teenage mothers, father/son/aussie girl love triangles and latest addition to the show, a housefull of wacky students. This stuff is mere meat and potatoes, and I could happily never watch this show till the next haircut. But the business with the sea-faring psycho is pure genuis, and I’m sad to say but I’m going to have to tune in tomorrow just to see if he releases the man-eating pike into the tank – ‘eat well my pretty freshwater friends’.
Channel 4 Mondays, Wednesdays & Thursdays 18.30 BST
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