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| Don’t underestimate the power of... |
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| Talk,
Heather Lennox,
18 January 1999 | |
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I guess the one or two people who read my article about ‘The 10 reasons why I won’t be returning his calls’ feel I am one of those awful man-hater women. Oh, no chance. I spend a lot of time in the company of men, through work and socialising. Actually I have always been a bit of a devotee and I couldn’t possibly dislike them. In that last article, I was just hoping a lot of you would print it out and keep it on your fridge as a helpful guide! Instead some of you were like ‘She’s an angry, angry woman’.
Regardless of what you think, I do love men. Starting at the romantic stylish ones that really do fancy girls, building down to best of friends with the fun, silly ones who can keep a conversation going or like a bit of a boog, then just politely tolerating the ones who have lost the plot one way or another. That’s fair. Isn’t that just the same types most of you blokies go for?
I say all of these things because if I didn’t like boys as much as I do, you wouldn’t understand the rest of this article.
Some people in their lives have particularly bad years. May, 1998 was the beginning of mine. A long-term relationship ended for mind devastating reasons just before a beloved pet’s death. I know. There are 8 million stories in the naked city.
Except now, no matter how bad life gets, we have something revolutionary that our forefathers could not have envisaged the impact of. Something that would be the ultimate in diversional therapy for many as well as and a tidy savings on booze, pills and shrinks (delete where applicable). Life saving technology in the form of Sega Saturn and Playstation.
So, if Herbert (or whatever his name was) and I broke up the Friday, this is what the next few days would be like. The weekend comprised of a series of irate phone calls to him. This involved interrogation as what were the facts and what was a bunch of shilly-shally. That was dealt with, followed by closure, devastation and ‘a few cocktails’ at about Monday time. By Tuesday, I had decided on a Sega Saturn and was deeply immersed in the dispatching of very many members of the undead for therapy and perspective.
There is the difference.
Admittedly all of the zombies did look much like him at first, but that did wear off eventually.
In the old days what you had was the support from friends, rum and vodka based antidepressants and time. Obviously all of these still figure in the swim of things, but I had the additional comfort factor of shooting zombies in the head at close range with a virtual gun and watching their heads explode in full colour. It helped me.
It’s hard to explain, but the game ‘House of the Dead’ was instrumental in helping me put some serious time between me and my last boyfriend, without the usual baggage. There was no rebound boyfriend, no wandering around the streets aimlessly looking lost and wondering why is life such torture and so shallow? Plus, absolutely no counselling was required. (Well, one hour of counselling. I told her that I just wanted to go round there and break his windows. And she said, ‘Do it, if it makes you feel better.’ I didn’t, but I felt better knowing I could. Great counsellor!)
In the ensuing months of 1998, I continued to work as I had to as best I could. The remainder of the time was spent in a big black velvet robe, on a little Victorian chair, deeply immersed in the conquering of Alien Trilogy, Exhumed, Resident Evil, Nightmare Creatures and Castlevania. Castlevania being the best boyfriend cure of all. I ignored the entire summer and clocked up 300 hours on that one saved game.
An average day in the life of a recovering girlfriend.
1) Get up, have 2 cigarettes and 2 cups of tea.
2) Perhaps go online, pick up email and look for a few Playstation cheats, maps and hints.
3) Listen to phone messages and not feel able to return anyone’s calls.
4) Depending on how far into the game you are, play over the lunch hour. If it’s getting really good play until about 3.00 p.m.
5) Change out of bathrobe and nip into Camden High Street for a badly made horror or 80’s b – movie. (I recommend ‘Mannequin 2: Mannequin on the Move’ or Bill Cosby as ‘Ghost Dad’).
6) Get some cat food, and call it a day.
By 10:00 p.m. after more gaming and a video. I was actually able to get back to my computer based work and usually carry on effectively until about 4:00 a.m.! Result! Hooray for technology all round!
There most certainly was a big gap in my life after that particular boyfriend left, but could he really have been as top a bloke as I made him out to be if it only took a Playstation and a Saturn console to fill that gap up? In many ways, the games were often wittier and more entertaining, when I think about it. Being a true feline, I would like to be able to say that the sex was better but I don’t know how to work that concept in really. Shame.
So, whether you are male or female and the next time you have a bad break up (though I hope none of you do). Try some shoot ‘em ups, carve ‘em ups or alternate reality platform games. They might just be a little bit more helpful than you thought. They’ll teach you how to pick up your sword again and join the battle in the real world. Except, real life may never be approached with the same seriousness again. At least, not until real life has got half as much intensity and maybe, dual shock.
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