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| If only I was the mayor or better yet the Emperor of London...! |
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| Talk,
Heather Lennox,
26 February 2001 | |
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* The United Kingdom would be abolished, and London would again be in England. The 4 countries would agree to be friendly as long as they all governed themselves and minded their own business.
* Peerages would be awarded to people who truly understood the path of chivalry and all the qualities it entailed; rather than just being a good actor in a film or a mate of someone important.
* All ugly high street shops and malls would be resituated underground and no expense spared beautiful and deeply artistic architecture and parkland for people to use and enjoy would take it's place.
* We would build a high quality 'Bladerunner' style quarter so that housing and lack of space would no longer be an issue.
* Thieves, burglars, vandals, pickpockets and some market traders would be punished by being fed with survivable quantities of acid, tied to railtracks by guys with twisty moustaches and have trains nearly run them over for a day at a time, whilst listening to announcements from Railtrack about 'replacement bus services' and 'leaves on the line'.
* The reintroduction of the metal face plate 'scolds bridle' would be reinstated for a few hours at a time for gossips and nosey people.
* London would finance week-long holidays for all children in Ireland, so that they could have the option of seeing how much crap we have to put up with before they decide to grow up and perpetuate such a miserable war for all
* People would be given lessons in school on how to treat others decently and politely, as well as elocution lessons. Although the pretentious BBC style accent would not be required, it would be encouraged just to sound like they are from England as opposed to something off of Jerry Springer.
* I would eradicate all unfaithful lovers by having them lined up and shot. I can't think of one person that ever benefited from a broken heart, apart from being able to recount the pain to a similar case. I think this would considerably purify the quality of London air as well.
* People would be expected to take a driving school style license before they would be allowed to have children, asking them if they want to be a parent, if they know what it entails and whether they are able to be devoted to another human being for the rest of their life (or risk pushing their life partner out of the way in the chaos) rather than just trying to bond with their latest boyfriend or just not give a damn about their latest girlfriend.
* Philosophical conversations and debates would be encouraged for an hour a week in schools.
Well that would be enough for me to be going on for my first week. Now you can breathe a heavy sigh of relief because I am not the mayor nor will I ever be, as I carry dual passports. Instead some guy in a brown suit who looks moany and like something off of Coronation Street will be taking care of the day to day mediocrity of running our beloved but ill-treated city. I bet my ideas would probably go wrong in about the same time as I implemented them anyway, but it's nice to dream when I get fed up with it all.
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