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"Ligger", "Cultural Goal hanger", "Free-loader" – just some of the tags aimed at the Mantis in the past. These feebly aimed blunt barbs are usually fired off by those less fortunate than yours truly, persons who are limited to queuing up and paying for their entertainment like the rest of the herd. To you, I Jeff Mantis say – "Tough Tittie", with that attitude you’ll never get anywhere in the hot-fire realm of the media world. If ya can’t LIG, go sit at home with da PIG!
Correct me if I’m wrong here, but when ol’ Media-guru doomsayer Marshall McCluhan said we’d all we living lonely lives in hi-tech flats in the future, was he just bitching because he knew he wouldn’t be around by the time we’d all have fantastic multi-media hi-tech home entertainment set-ups. Guys like him barely had radio sets. Now I, Jeff Mantis have one such system running in my Soho top-floor flat, and I’m telling you Mac, it’s the f**kin’ biz.
First off, I got no need to go to the movies. Why bother queuing up in the rain to catch trash at your local multiplex, when you can do it the Mantis way and get that trash pumped into your fully air-conditioned flat down the phone line for a fraction of the cost. That’s how I get my hands on the latest Martin Short movie. With the aid of a good T1 connection and credit at a good home-movie channel site, you can pick up pretty much anything you want – not just the latest movies, but also pre-releases of hot PC games, the latest rockin’ Cee-Dees, and of course Hardcore Europorn by the bucketload.
But the Mantis doesn’t stop there. Don’t want to fork out for the latest game console cartridges? So don’t bother – there’s enough material out there on the Internet to play games way cooler than the latest RidgeRacer clone. Just dig around the search engines a while and you could be playing trance-house soundtracked versions of Pac-man set in a NYC crackhouse. Crazy. Off-licence closed? Who cares! A little trading amongst the Mantis network conjures up a handful of 24 hour grocery e-commerce sites. Ding-dong! There’s at the door, and goodness me there’s a crate of top quality European lager.
Is any of this illegal? – Hell, no! Could I, the Mantis, get busted for such leisure-orientated hi-jinks? Not bloody likely. To get this kind of operation booming, you’ve got to be smart, and if you’re smart you’re going to be smart enough dig up ‘da cool shit’. Well, I, Jeff Mantis may be no Stephen Hawkins (hell, I could take that guy out in two rounds!), but I’ve read the books and done the homework, so I’ll not be needing to get wet with the sheep ever again.
One final note, I’m sure you’re saying "yeah, yeah, Jeff, so you got all this shit so easy, well done – but ya can’t squeeze a page-three bird down an ISDN line!" Well, knuckleheads – whad’ya think I’m doing with all the time and money I’m saving with all this tech? Livin’ in Bird City Baby! And Mantis is the Mayor ! Digital Peace, the Mantis is OUT.
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