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| In which I investigate the options one has when purchasing a childs toy for a nephew, niece, or other young relative. |
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| Talk,
Mr Harbour-Barbour,
17 January 1999 | |
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Aaah, the glistening jewels of a child’s toy chest on Christmas day, a delightful sight. Rosy-cheeked imps playing around the tree with their brand new shiny clockwork cars and elegant dollies. I remember the year the subject of every child’s note to Santa was an India-rubber ball and bat. The matter of Christmas wishes was on my mind once again as I ambled away from the Woolworths pick and mix and into the toy department.
What a chattering array of bright plastic objects! Almost everything this year has a button or switch to set it off performing a hidden musical tune or gay light-show. I set about through the thronging crowd of somewhat strained-faced parents with notebook and pen. The resultsÂ…
Monkey Football
A sort of game to be played by large groups of nippers. Each player controls a jolly chimp on a stick and must try to whip the ball into the net. Much like the real thing, but with a delightful twist.
Primitive Man
Ingenious! – finally young boys and girls can experience the thrill of digging up bones. Once released from their sandy base, said bones can be applied to make a scale model of the bone structure of a lantern-jawed monkey man. Doubtless to inspire the future Darwins of our time.
Rock n’ Roll Elmo
Amazing! – the outward appearance of a slim bubble-eyed rag doll with a plastic musical instrument. But at the push of a button he springs to life and plays a rousing interpretation of a popular tune. If two of three are triggered at once, the effect is that of watching an actual concept performance – for FREE!
Tanya
Little madams have moved on from the fat-fingered chubby china dolls of yesteryear. This slim young fillie may look like some underfed society hostess, but her electricity powered walking action distances her from the other similarly leggy ladies in tall boxes. She has a wide range of pushable objects, ranging from shopping trolleys to baby prams – how very modern!
Pikachu
Apparently flavour of the month with the whipper-snappers. This fat little plastic squirrel chirrups his name when you put your finger on his bottom. Uncontrollably compelling.
Mankind
When once young boys enjoyed sending battalions of bright red wooden soldiers into battle, now it seems they focus their enthusiasms on grim-faced brawlers. Many of these savage fellows wouldn’t look out of place in jail or at the end of a rope. This chap stands out because of most extraordinary moniker and his freakshow demeanour. Where the switches on the backs of the other wrestlers just cause them to twitch spasmodically, Mankind can both pick up and deposit objects of a certain reduced size. He therefore also wins out on the practicality level.
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