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| Is the British God French then? |
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| Talk,
Madame X,
18 January 1999 | |
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For the first time in my career I am stuck. The ‘Big Boss’ has been asking me for weeks – ‘Madame X, what sort of wild and abusive article are you going to produce this week then?’ But nothing. Nothing for weeks. I don’t really know what is going on. Surely it doesn’t come from lack of inspiration as Rosbifland is still full of crazy freaks professionally and sexually frustrated.
Maybe I’m just bored of them all. Maybe it’s just the weather. I mean, honest, look at the date. It’s May and it’s freezing cold. What sort of country is that? It seems there is only one big cloud above England and it won’t let go. There must be a microclimate or some sort of geographical phenomenon that prevents any temperature to go beyond 15 degrees. I thought a lot about it, as you can imagine and as I like wondering about Rostbif X-files, and came to the conclusion that it could not be. The rest of the world knows about it and all the too depressed and so frustrated people in the world would gather here openly and drink bitter drinks in pubs, listening to Morrissey songs and watching snooker on TV for hours. Mind you isn’t that what they do anyway? No that would be something more official. And French people wouldn’t be allowed there. They know what having real fun means – starting with enjoying sex.
I reckon there is a person somewhere who does manage the whole Rostbif weather job and who does enjoy it too. To see all those people suffering in the cold for so long without doing anything about it. Could that person be French at all by any chance? Is God French then? Is the British God French then? Is the Queen French then? That would make sense if you’d seen all the crap that’s been going on in Rostbifland for so long.
Anyway just today as I’m writing the weather has been absolutely gorgeous
for the second time in two weeks? And guess what the Rostbifs do? They run to the park and wear shorts when the sun slightly comes out. No wonder how people take the piss out of them on campsites in France. When they just assume that any ray of light means summer. I was on sandles and shorts alert today, and got really freaked out about it. Some Rostbifs should really realise that they’re better off in winter clothes. Maybe they should ask the French gods about it. Who knows?!
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