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| Where are all you English disappearing to then eh? |
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| Talk,
Madame X,
19 January 1999 | |
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Well, well, well
it seems that the plan has worked perfectly: England – Rosbifland – is now scared of us French. At last. I should not have to mention the French superiority at football, which is quite obvious and accepted by the whole wide world. Last week’s crashing victory against the supposedly best players in the world was quite explicit, I think. Funny that the result was hardly noticeable at all in the English press. A bit bitter may be, are we? A bit touchy too, yeah? Too bad for you, you arrogant pieces of work! Now you know who the master is. And it begins with a big F.
I went to France last week to get my usual fix of fresh air, volcanoes, wine and blue cheese. But how disappointing, for the first time in years! I’m not talking about France of course, but about the lack of any Rostbifs to take the micke y out of. Oh come on, you know what I’m talking about: the sandals, the silly shorts, the glowing crimson red skin and the attitude
oh yeah
the attitude. Jesus Mary mother of Christ. How can a tourist be so incredibly thick and useless abroad? Oops, sorry, English are already like that at home. What was I thinking of? But anyway, this year was quite a bad one in terms of spying on the ‘Hello, I’m in France and I think I know everything about it’ English freak. But it was also very reassuring indeed, as they eventually have clicked on the fact that we do not want them around. Enough of them eating our cheese, polluting our air and ruining our toilet as they don’t know how to digest our healthy food. For years we’ve tried to kick them out. For years we have told our shopkeepers to as horrible and rude as possible but still, France is the most preferred destination of holidays in the world. We still have some harmless Dutch or Swedish bints, but it seems that the English have given up trying to invade our country to get some sort of silly centuries old revenge over us.
So here is my main question: is the Rosbif species becoming extinct? No trace of them in France, no trace of them in England. We at least in hospitals. I have experienced it recently and it is true what they say: if you go to Rosbifland, make sure you avoid prison and hospitals (as well as pubs closing on Saturday evenings
) why are all doctors any nationality but English? (I even met a French doctor here, believe it or not). Are Rosbif too stupid to do anything else other than kicking the ball in vain and drinking larger? It also seemed that they try to kill their older fellows. Parking them in hospital beds for ever and waiting for them to die without any treatment. Could be because they represent the threat of spreading the numerous historical embarrassments of their nation. Who knows? But in that case, why is the Queen Mum still around? Isn’t she the first one who should be sorted out? Honestly, she can’t even walk properly. The only thing she does now is wave mindlessly around
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