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| Talk,
Martin Algesten,
18 January 1999 | |
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Being from the cleanest and finest country in the world, Sweden, any attempt to settle down in England is accompanied by shocking experiences. Especially one phenomenon in Her Majesty’s great country make my mind rather wander towards the good old pigsty at the farm back home, than a place inhabited by human beings;
- The carpet.
- The all-over-the-floor, (not always) firmly attached carpet.
- The disgusting covers-all-parts-of-most-British-flats, dirt-soaked carpet.
My god, I can’t believe it, this utmost manifestation of filth lies there on the floor in every British home, from the very entrance up the stairs, in the bedrooms even around the toilets. And most surprisingly, people are perfectly happy about it, they call it practical. Practical out of two major reasons, insulation and cleaning-reasons. Okay, it is insulating, but isn’t the need of extra insulation inside a house just a bad excuse for poor craftsmanship? At least the carpenters in my flat seem to have taken all nearly-not-noticeable shortcuts possible.
However the cleaning aspect of a carpet is what I really feel sick about. I can only start to imagine the filth creeping around in it. Anyone who has been living without a carpet-covered floor knows what surprising amounts of dust and filth is produced in a flat. Do British people think that a carpet neutralises this in some magic way, or do they realise the truth and think it is OK?
A large part of dust is actually human related such as dead skin, nails and hair. Myself I think hair, nails and skin is disgusting enough, but do British people know what germs, mites and other unpleasant creatures tend to live of and in? The truth is that the carpet is a breeding area, a farm, nurturing a huge amount of unhealthy crawling creatures, and I am supposed to walk on that living filthy ocean, possibly even with my bare foot – NO WAY! And this is a fact in British living rooms in the soon to be 21st century.
As if it stopped with living rooms. Oh no, this perversion stretches even beyond the most primitive Neanderthal decency. British people love their carpets so much that they even want it in the most private part of their houses - the toilette. Anyone in the male part of the population knows how easy it can be to miss now and then. Our pride stops us from sitting down and thus avoiding the problem, and also it is quite fun to aim at things. The aiming isn’t always on top though. Once again, anyone who has lived in a flat without carpets knows the exact amount of yellow stuff that one must wipe of the floor and walls around a toilette. Now, where does that disappear in a British home? Okay, I have to admit that some Brits have realised this. Perhaps it is the smell that makes them noticing how disgusting this really is. The solution is what really amazes me; let’s buy a special carpet that is cut in a way that it fits perfectly around the toilette. Oh yes, exactly what we need is to cover the filth with even more filth – YUCK!
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