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| Ten weeks and a f**king SCOUSER wins ?!?! – I want my money back !!! |
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| Talk,
Jerry Carpenter,
17 January 1999 | |
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(NOTE: this exciting article was actually written two hours BEFORE the result, yet all opinions contained within remain constant )
All right then I’ve given this show a LOT of my time and I’ve missed out on a few good nights because I’ve transfixed on the show so much. I’ve loved the poor saps sitting round the East end bungalow prison and actually begun to feel sympathy for them, yet it’s coming to an end and the horribly inevitable is going to take place. The final three will be voted for in a general public popularity contest, and no matter how you see it , the ape-man Craig will win. He’s got the sympathy vote, because he’s the lost out on the girl front, and been on the vote-out switch four times. He’s got he anti-Nick speech factor behind him. He’s got the ‘giving-it-all-to-charity’ vote, because he’ll be giving the 70,000 to some sick kid. I’m sorry, but the guy is the best bet since
It has been the best TV in ages, because it’s actually lived up to it’s hype. I found myself chatting to loads of strangers about it on the tube and in pubs about it. Even the people that hate it have their ten cents. It’ll kick off a whole bunch of imitators, and they’ll all be a bore, because it’s been done already. Even this week’s rip-off ‘Jailbreak’ can’t even go the full stretch and lets it’s prisoners out after 21 days. But poor old Anna, Darren, and Craig, they’ve been in there for absolutely bloody ages. I award each of them, regardless of the winner, the R.E.S.P.E.C.T non-physical medal for services rendered to children of the magic talking box.
Almost more fun is tracking the blessed exiles as they cling onto the gravy train. This lot are making great headlines – getting shite-faced at film premieres, co-presenting cut-and-paste entertainment shows, and generally keeping their fame-flames burning. My personal countdown now begins as to which of the ten I get to meet first, either browsing through the office adhesives section in Rymans, or across the room at the launch of a new salad sauce. Of course, with a wide variety of personalities in the group, it’d be hard to decide which one would be most fun to stalk. I’ve already got enough blackmail letters cut from the newspaper to spell ‘I love your ass Sada’, so maybe that’s the direction I’ll move in.
(Epilogue: Craig wins – the objects in the house are auctioned off – Nicola appears on morning TV performing a wincingly BB influenced dance track – the country returns to ‘normal’. )
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