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| Talk,
Jerry Carpenter,
18 January 1999 | |
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VIDS
In a year where I finally realised that watching twatty types sitting around getting paid to mouth off about films, books, jugs etc was a waste of bloody time, one show single-handedly restored my faith in punditry. The two frazzled buggers on this show prove you don’t to sit around a habitatty studio or read auto-cue in front of a zappy CGI-backdrop to work this scene.
THE SOPRANOS
A lot of the good US drama shows have started flagging this year – both ER and Homicide seem bang straight out of fresh ideas. So everyone went bonkers for this instead, and although I was put off initially by the potentially stale ‘Mafia-sitcom’ premise (hell-I’ve seen ‘Married to the Mob’ already), I finally relented and gave up Thursdays. The most original, unpredictable character writing in ages - cute kids getting drunk !, sexy priests !, old guys getting their ends away ! – roll ON Anthony S.
SEINFELD + LARRY SANDERS
I bundle the two because I’ll that’s how I’ll always remember them – stuffed into barely-trailered midweek late night slots by a company that wipes it’s elbow with bog-paper. One hour of tightly scripted misanthropy, knocked out by a flawless ensemble cast. I was emotionally saddened when they shut the lights out on Larry at the end. Against all sense and logic I came to love the sound of slap base intros. Best of all, I learned the loads of great new foul language.
BUFFY
Streets behind my satellite peers, I pooh-poohed this because I knew the X-files was better. Whoah – can somebody spell ‘opinion mismanagement’ ?!. This is a much wiser, wittier piece of genre TV than anything in the past three years of the gradually senile Carter show. Even past the obvious bonus of all that pert teen talent, there’s great horror story telling going on here. And just when I thought contemporary vampire-stuff was shafted by the dull clammy hands of ‘Forever knight’ and ‘Blade’.
POKEMON
I should know better – the whole cute cock-fighting thing is a blundering evil corporate juggernaut designed to crush children beneath it’s brightly coloured wheels. But this piece of cartoon insanity is the best animated TV since Ulysses 31. If I ever miss it I feel hollow inside. Team Rocket BLAST OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT !! – cue wetting of pants.
THE BOUNTY AD
It’s not a show in the conventional sense, but when it came on I felt compelled to watch. It made the multi-ad Gold blend flirtation obsolete. All you need – one cheeky ‘favourite salesman’, one saucy ‘favourite coffee shop mangeress’, no good looks required, and one tough bastard of a kitchen towel. Add a pinch of stunning jingle and you have something to make serious TV dramatists quake in their boots.
THE BILL
Evolution is proved, no further archaeological digs required. When they stretched the Bill I figured there’d be no way my brain could handle an entire hour. I went through a period of denial, where I found myself turning over half way through and forgetting to turn back. Then soft mush in my head changed and transformed, and after a week in which I was taping the second half and watching it after my bath, I finally realised I was ready to handle all 60 minute of grim-faced Sun Hill action. The epic journey into madness that is Jim Carver should be studied by ham specialist for years to come.
NIGEL SLATERS REAL FOOD
TV cooks are the often the worst kind of filth, humanity wise. But I like Nige, he’s a real card – he’s chummy in the nicest way, and his dishes make my heart bleed. I’ve sat through endless life/home improvement shows that leave me cold and snobby, and Nige has made me realise the only place to really focus on is the four rings on the hob. Hugh-fearnly-whatisname almost pipped him in the personality stakes, but his food sucked way too much.
XENA- WARRIOR PRINCESS
Robin Hood, Sinbad, William Tell – all these legends muffed with amazing ineptitude on the god-box. But although Herc still does the stuff as the original, Lady Lawless’s show is dramatically harder, more visually intense and just bloody better than all the beefcake pretenders. Currently going through an extraordinary period of bleakness in the run-up to christmas, it’s the one show you’d grit your teeth and bear it through the evil Night Fever for.
SUNSET BEACH
I’ve dipped in and out of pretty much all the soaps this year (except Emmerdale, which ‘scares’ me), but very few of the story threads in any of them grabbed me enough to suck me in for the full 365. Sunset Beach always wins the war for me because No.1, following it is easy – they bundle it all up into a convenient 150 minute bundle on Saturdays. No.2, you’ll never get bored of these storylines – teen love potion traumas going farcically wrong, bitter old men coming back from the dead disguised as their posh English long-lost relative, cursed amulets and killer mummies. Twin peaks with the pines and jazz replaced by sand and gripping acting styles.
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